The last few weeks have been crazy, and it’s taken me a while to really put my thoughts into words. There aren’t any pretty pictures with perfect lighting, and posting a mountain picture with this just didn’t quite make sense. Today, it’s just my raw, real words straight from the heart.
I’ve dated a lot. I’ve had the relationships you can only shake your head at, the ones you just want to erase from the universe, and the few I openly like to admit. Each relationship brought growth and change in myself which helped shape me to be who I am today; and I can honestly say, I’m pretty damn proud of this person.
I think there’s a stigma around people who go through a lot of relationships. “That girl is a whore”, “that guy is a player”, but what if that wasn’t the case at all? What if that person was just really firm on what they wanted and needed from a relationship and never settled?
It’s crazy to think some people settle on one of the most important decisions of their life. A decision which will be with them until the day they die.
I choose not to settle. Maybe some people see me as picky, and I’m ok with it because we’re not talking about what I want on my burger. Nope. We’re talking about my life long partner. I’ll be picky about this one.
Don’t get me wrong. I completely understand relationships aren’t “all daisies and sunshine”. My parents have been together for 20+ years. I have been blessed to be raised in a home which has been open and honest about the work which goes into a happy and healthy relationship. My mom’s favorite saying is, “I may not like your father right now, but I still love him”. Real talk, for sure. I’m not asking for a perfect person, no one is perfect. I want to be with someone who lifts me up, someone who believes in my wildest dreams. I want to be with someone I can be 100% myself with. I’ll be the first to tell you I’m opinionated, I’m stubborn, sometimes I’m completely all over the place, and I don’t always wear a bra. I want someone who embraces each of these pieces of me. In the past, I have been TOO much. Too much energy. Too much fire. Too much passion. Too much love. Too much emotion. Too much drive. Finally, I came to the realization that someone else’s TOO much was exactly what made me, me. I refuse to conform to someone else’s ideal of who they think I should be. Even through the different heart aches, I continue to believe the right person for me is out there.
I will not let the fear of being alone keep me in a relationship which does not embrace the real me.
There’s something beautiful about new beginnings. The unknown. The freedom that comes from making it on your own. This is entirely what I’m embracing! So for the person reading this who may be on the fence, trust your gut. Trust the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Don’t stay just because it’s comfortable. Growth comes from making difficult decisions. Some decisions are uncomfortable, and downright scary, and some of these decisions will change your life. Dig deep and examine exactly what you want. If that doesn’t match where you are right now, change it. Quit that job. Move to a new state. Move into the city. Leave the toxic relationship. Do it all at once if you have to because life is way too short to be anything but an adventure!